Dr Jack and Nurse Teal'c
by Koken
Summary: A Challange fic, where Daniel and Sam are sick and only Jack and Teal'c can take care of them. Enjoy. please R&R.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters, I don't own Stargate SG-1, I don't own my house, I don't own my car, I don't own my pants. Where…are my pants?

Response to the Dr. Jack Challenge made by ReganX

**Dr. Jack and Nurse Teal'c**

By: Koken

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Daniel knew he had done it again as soon as the hissing sound escaped the box he had just touched. The ancient writing on the top was swimming in his vision and he wished in that moment, he hadn't been curious enough to touch it. Daniel was always too much a tactile individual. That was his last though as his stomach pulled like someone had just punched him in the gut. He felt his weak knees crumple under him and he felt the floor rush up to meet his face. Hard stone contacted his right side. He could see Jack and Teal'c, blurring little figures as they held up their weapons. Daniel almost laughed, but he couldn't remember what was funny when he lost consciousness.

"Daniel!?"

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"No. He just fell." Jack answered. His arms crossed leaning back against the wall of the clean room. Sam stepped through a large glass door, the bright red haz-mat suit protecting her skin as harsh chemicals sprayed, cleaning her, disinfecting her. She stepped through the next door.

The blonde took another step forward. "Janet doesn't want to take any chances. Even if you two don't show any signs, you could be carriers. How's he doing?" Sam asked taking another step toward the hospital bed.

Sam's brain was telling her body to step forward but she didn't. She felt something wretch inside her. That defiantly wasn't good. She stumbled back, the wall of the room rushing up behind her quicker than she had thought it would. It hit her back and knocked the wind out of her. Her body slid to the floor. Air sucking into her lungs and burning on the way down. She felt her eyes close; the last thing in her ears was Jack's voice before blackness swallowed her.

"Major!?"

Jack heard the faint hiss of the chemical disinfectant and turned around to see Janet Frasier, standing in a haz-mat suit in the sealed room. She was ready to step in. The Colonel turned around quickly and slammed his hand on the emergency shut down lock next to the door. Janet's bright brown eyes looking up and him with a questioning stare. "Sorry Doc. No Vacancies."

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Jack groaned. "You sure the shower is off?"

"Yes." Responded the doctor confidently as he stepped into the small walkway, Teal'c not far behind. General Hammond stood on the other side of the glass, Janet next to him. They both looked very concerned.

The Colonel picked up the tray of items and turned them over in his hands. "What's all these monkey doings?"

"Well…you're going to have to take some blood from Sam and Daniel so you can analyze it." Responded the doctor very calmly.

Teal'c shifted slightly. "I do not believe O'Neil is qualified to perform such tests."

Jack gave Teal'c an injured look. "Hey"

"I am merely stating you are not a doctor." Teal'c explained.

"Ah, but I play one on T.V." Jack responded quickly.

"Jack this is seriously. Sam wasn't even on your mission and the moment she stepped in there, she experienced the same thing Daniel did. Teal'c must be protected by his symbiote." Janet continued as she turned around her clip board with instructions on how to draw blood on it, she opened her mouth to explain when Jack interrupted her.

"Why am I immune?" said the brow furrowing officer.

"….I don't know…"

"So …guess I can't come out and have you show me huh." He said dipping down his chin.

"No…you could still be a carrier besides…if Sam was infected just by walking in. . ." Janet trailed off.

"I understand…but I better be getting hazard pay for this." He almost turned to leave, when he realized he wasn't finished. "And I want wanna those lab coats…and a nurse hat for Teal'c here…he needs to get in the mood." Jack stepped away.

"Uh. Sir?" Janet's voice stopped him.

"This is non-negotiable. I mean that General. I want one a those hear-y things too."

"A Stethoscope. Of course sire, just…let me tell you what to do . . . please?" Janet said with a bright smile, indicating the chart politely.

Jack cleared his throat and stepped back toward Janet. "Sure, I know all about this but...uh... I think Teal'c needs a refresher." His hand landed on Teal'c shoulder with a loud smack. Teal'c only lifted an eyebrow at the Colonel.

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Jack stood over Daniel in his lovely new lab coat. Nervously staring at the tools in front of him. He and picked up the needle and watched Teal'c carefully prepare the inside of the Archeologists arm. Jack was an expert at keeping himself steady not betraying he didn't know too much about what he was doing. He pressed the sharp tip against the man's arm and felt for the increased pressure of the vein. When he thought he found it, he pushed forward and sunk the needle into the sleeping man's arm. Oh yeah. Janet had said he was at resting rate, probably sleeping more than comatose or lengthily unconscious. Didn't she say to be gentle? Oops.

"OW!" Daniel yelped in surprise as he woke up to a needle in his arm. Teal'c strong hand on his four arm held the limb completely still even when the archeologist jerked completely up. "Jack? What's going on?" He groaned, his face crumpled in confusion as he looked up at the man in a white doctor's coat, "Frasier" embroidered over the pocket. The needle was finally removed once the vile had filled and Teal'c put a cotton ball on Daniel's arm, releasing his firm grip only them. "Thank you…?" Daniel said a little confused as but still thankful Teal'c hadn't allowed him to wrench his arm away but the image of Teal'c big hands with a tiny little cotton ball almost made him laugh. And of course . . . the nurse hat he was wearing didn't help.

Daniel swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stared at Jack with swimmy blurring vision. "Jack…why are you sticking me with needles? What happened?" He noticed Sam sitting in the bed next to him and immediately the sweet man only felt concern for the other person. Just like Daniel. "What happened to Sam?"

"Calm down Danny boy. Can't answer every question at once. You collapsed on the mission. Some sort of contagion or something, you had a fever for a while. Sam had them build an isolation room off the infirmary so we could all come back." Daniel pointed to the unconscious woman and Jack rolled his eyes. "I'm getting to that part Have some patience will ya?"

"Major Carter came in to inquire as to our well being. She collapsed moments after despite all the proper containment requirements. No one else has been permitted to have contact with us." Teal'c finished.

"Yeah …what he said." Jack was a little grumpy, being upstaged by a man in a nurse cap.

"Are you sure there wasn't a leak in the suit?" Daniel asked, pressing his temple with a free hand.

He was meet with only silence.

"We can not be sure." Teal'c finally responded.

Daniel peered over at Sam's sleeping face, on a pillow spilling out of her Haz-mat uniform. She looked so sweet when she was sleeping. "Yeah…maybe we should wait till she wakes up."

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Sam felt a pounding in her head as she opened her eyes to be greeted by bright white light, and the urge to throw up. She sat up, the metal frame of her haz-mat suit smacking her in the chin before finishing her motion to sit up. "Whoa" She moaned, hand going to her swimmy head. "What happened?"

"You got infected when you walked in somehow…" Jack responded. "I gotta take a sample of your blood to test."

Sam lifted an eyebrow. "How…the suit…"

"Maybe there was a leak?" Daniel asked.

The blonde stood her steps a little wavy as Teal'c grabbed her arm to support her. "I don't think so. The chemical shower, it would have stung if any got through." She pulled her body with quite effort to wiggle out of her suit, letting it drop. "The pathogen had to have gone through. Maybe it's proximity. We shouldn't let anyone else in here…"

"Already done Sam. Don't worry." Daniel said as she turned her hands over in front of her eyes. "You okay?"

"I feel…weird…" She responded letting Teal'c lay her back down onto the hospital bed. Her bright blue eyes rolled up into her head and her her breathe came steady. Daniel leaned forward quickly, his fingers going to her neck. Her pulse seemed fine.

Jack's eyes narrowed. "We gotta get a sample of her blood." He immediately prepared a new needle, while Teal'c prepared Sam's arm for the blood to be taken.

Neither noticed Daniel's steps getting harder to take, or his need to lean on the bed. He took long slow deep breathes, watching them without saying anything. He felt a tingle creep inside him, he felt like the world was rushing in around him. He closed his eyes and attempted to force himself to stay still.

Sam growled when the needle went in her arm, eyes snapping open with an angry force. Teal'c quickly pushed his palm into her shoulder and forced her down and still. There was something wild in her eyes. Something not controlled. "What's going on?"

"We are taking a sample of your blood Samantha Carter. It will be done shortly." Teal'c answered, giving a concerned look to O'Neil. Why was he showing no symptoms?

Jack pulled away with the blood sample and walked to the testing machine. He moved with practice, having done the same steps with Daniel's blood and his own, and Teal'c's. Sam lifted one blonde eyebrow. "Jack? Who died and made you Janet?"

Jack lifted an eyebrow. "Jack?"

Sam blinked, a little taken a back. Immediately she took a defensive stance. "If I'm gonna be stuck here with you and Nurse Teal'c for an undetermined length of time I ain't calling you sir."

"Excuse me Major." O'Neill asked a little taken a back his eyebrows high.

"Why are you in change of this little operation?" Daniel asked his tone accusatory and strong, he stood now, not a hint of a loss of balance.

"HEY! Sit down and shut up. I've got a couple of nice big needles with your names on them. Don't push me!" Jack growled.

Daniel rolled his eyes and groaned climbing back into bed. "I'm bored. Can't I have a book or something?"

Sam nodded letting her head lull back. "I have a headache."

"Me too." Daniel added closing his eyes. "No offense Jack, but I think Janet should be in here instead of you puttering around in your little coat trying to be her."

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "I mean you don't even have the title. At least Daniel and I are doctors of something."

"Hey" Jack quipped, offended. "If I need atoms nursed back to health or dead civilizations revived in Technicolor I'll call you. I'm the only one not passing out and getting headaches – other than the one you two kids are giving me -"

"Your point Jack?" Daniel asked interrupted the stronger man.

"My point is I'm in charge here!" Jack growled.

"Why?" Sam asked. "How many times have we dug your ass out of trouble? How many times have I had to come in and lead this team out of a whirlwind of shit because you couldn't keep us outta trouble? Huh Jack? Why shouldn't I be in charge?"

"Yeah. Why not Sam!" Daniel agreed, swinging his legs up. "You have no moral compass Jack. You would slaughter baby kittens just to get technology that may or may not help. What is wrong with you?"

Sam nodded sitting up herself. "What about Teal'c!"

The tall dark soldier tilted his head and lifted one hand to stop the officer, he spoke calmly and smoothly "I would prefer if you excluded me from this conversation Major Carter."

Daniel stood up strong and determined. "No. Teal'c is a decorated warrior, he is honored as one of the best of his kind and he's better than anything you could ever do Jack. He is honorable, willing to die for his cause. Look at us. Weak. We should follow him."

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Jack roared, his face turning red, his fists shaking. "Young man you sit your skinny ass down and close your mouth or you will get not coffee for a year. Let's see you stay up to all hours of the night partying with prehistoric civilizations without your beloved caffeine." Daniel immediately sat down, a puppy look to his bright green eyes.

Sam almost laughed. "AND YOU!" Jack roared. "Young lady you lay your ass back down and not another word or you won't see the likes of blue Jell-O _ever _again." The blonde's lips smacked shut as she leaned back and averted her green eyes.

Jack turned around stomping into the glass hallway, Teal'c quickly following. "They do not appear to be themselves O'Neill…"

"No…but that's not our biggest problem." O'Neill grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Have you ceased being yourself O'Neill?" Teal'c asked, concern rising in his strong tone.

"…yeah…I just turned into my father…" Jack shuddered. "Young lady? Young man? I'm not old…I'm not…" Jack nearly pouted, but that wouldn't be very manly now would it.

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"I don't get it Janet. They are unbelievable, they won't cooperate, and they just get crankier and crankier." Jack groaned rolling his eyes at the doctor. "What did I ever do to deserve this?"

"Well... Let's see" Janet said as she flipped over her clip board opening Jack's file.

"Rhetorical question Doc. You know…I really have to say. I'm sorry for causing you even a fraction of the trouble that these kids are giving me." Jack said honesty in his bright eyes.

Janet smiled gently with a bow of her brown head. "It's not your fault sweetie. You can't help yourself." Jack wasn't sure if that was a complement or a backhanded insult... "Just don't let them get the best of you. You've got Teal'c in there to back you up. Just up there sedatives, we still have lots of tests to run, you just have to let them know who's boss."

"What do you mean?" Jack asked with a high eyebrow. "I can't offer them anything…"

"You could threaten them." Janet responded sliding her pen into the clipboard.

"With what? You give me a P-90 and I'll threaten them till doomsday." Grumbled the Colonel.

"Well. You're the doctor. Act like one. You have plenty of lovely tools at your disposal that Hammond won't suspend you for using on your teammates." They shared a knowing look. Maybe there was hope as of yet.

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Sam was being quite bitchy this morning. "Third day cooped up in a plastic box, the air tight…with three men no less. Damn it."

"Watch your mouth young lady." Jack quipped, taking another long slow spoonful of blue Jell-O.

"So what?" Daniel asked. "We stay in here. No T.V. No books, No computers, nothing but the four of us till they find a cure."

"What if they don't find one?" Sam asked leaning back. "Face it they don't have me to help, they obviously aren't gonna figure it out anytime soon. We gonna go an eternity without showering? You boys are really starting to stink."

"I believe you are also acquiring a rather foul odor yourself Major Carter." Teal'c responded with a quirked eyebrow.

"Little testy aren't we?" Daniel quipped flicking a rubber band across the room letting it smack Teal'c in the chest before bouncing off harmlessly.

Teal'c let out a low sound, seeming like a growl. He was no longer amused by their antics.

"Down Nursey I know just how to put them in their place" Jack said easily pulling something from the tray of objects. "Two words kids, rectal thermometer."

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"Oh give me a break. It can't possibly hurt as much as a period, combined with childbirth and the whole shebang!" Sam protested.

"I'm sorry Sam. Its three guys against one girl. It looks like getting kicked in the balls wins over woman pains." Daniel said with a shrug.

Sam looked at Jack. "Hey, it hurts like a bitch, I'm telling you, hurts more if you just graze um, not actually smash up head on."

Daniel snorted, "No no, head on is defiantly the worse."

Sam looked at Teal'c "What do you think."

Teal'c took a moment. "I believe it would be more painful to experience childbirth than be struck in the testicles."

"YES!" Sam smiled triumphantly, "Two vs. Two, a tie"

"Eww…that's like…kissing your sister." Jack said with a groan.

Daniel blinked and shivered. "That's just gross Jack, and a little too far. It's like kissing Sam."

Sam's eyes went wide, and Teal'c had to hold her back as she attempted to beat the ever loving shit out of Daniel.

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"NO!" Daniel screamed, face red, right in Sam's face.

"YES!" Sam yelled back with a growl.

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES"

"How long to you think they will continue this futile argument?" Teal'c asked the Colonel quietly.

"I'm sure until they realize I already ate the last Jell-O," Jack said with a smile, popping the last bite into his mouth.

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Ba Dum Dum

Ba Dum Dum

Ba Dum Dum

Ba Dum Dum

Ba Dum Dum

Sam bounced the ball against the wall in a familiar, mind numbing rhythm, knowing it grated on everyone's nerves.

Ba Dum Dum

Ba Dum Dum

Ba Dum Dum

Ba Dum Dum

Ba Dum Dum

Daniel began pacing, shuffling his feet, knowing it grated on everyone's nerves.

Ba Dum Dum _shhhh shhhh_

Ba Dum Dum _shhhh shhhh_

Ba Dum Dum _shhhh shhhh_

Ba Dum Dum _shhhh shhhh_

Ba Dum Dum _shhhh shhhh_

Jack began tapping his finger on the table, working the same dull spot again and again, knowing it grated on everyone's nerves.

Ba Dum Dum _shhhh shhhh _TAP TAP SCRATCH

Ba Dum Dum _shhhh shhhh _TAP TAP SCRATCH

Ba Dum Dum _shhhh shhhh _TAP TAP SCRATCH

Ba Dum Dum _shhhh shhhh _TAP TAP SCRATCH

Ba Dum Dum _shhhh shhhh _TAP TAP SCRATCH

Teal'c meditated, trying desperately to hold on to his sanity as the last of his nerves where grated away

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Sam launched the cup across the room, the plastic heavy object sliding just barely grazing Daniel in his crotch. His eyes went wide and his face turned red and he let a breath out slowly. "Sam….That…hurt…"

"Never. . . . eat my Jell-O."

"I didn't eat your Jell-O." He whined.

Jack was sure to keep his blue tinted tongue inside his mouth.

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"Make him stop snoring or I will smother him to death." Groaned the woman as she sat up holding the pillow over her head like a weapon.

"Major Carter, I believe your sleeping sounds are louder than Daniel Jackson's…"

Sam just looked at Teal'c with a simmering anger, pushed down only knowing that Teal'c could crush her with his pink finger.

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Sam moved her hand back and forth, taking careful aim before she let it fly, landing right in the center of the bulls eye on the wall Sam smiled triumphantly at herself and her three scalpels dead center on the make shift dark board.

Jack groaned. "Sam. You can stop gloating; it's my turn to wipe the floor with you."

Jack walked up and took the three sharp instruments from the wall and stood back at the appropriate line. Sam sat on the edge of one of the beds, close to his side. Daniel and Teal'c a good distance away. Jack moved his hand slowly, taking aim.

Deep and a whisper, from Sam, who was looking straight toward the wall and not at him. "I'm not wearing any panties."

Jack couldn't keep his aim straight with that image in his head. He thought for a moment he was hearing things, but sure enough he took aim for him next shot, and it happened again.

"Do you wanna see me naked?"

Jack's wide eyes snapped toward Sam, than around toward Daniel and Teal'c. "Did you guys hear that?"

"Hear what?" Daniel asked, clueless with his cute wide eyes puppy expression.

"I heard nothing Colonel O'Neill." Teal'c responded.

Jack set up for his last shot.

"I wanna fuck you like an animal."

Once again his shot missed completely.

Sam smiled wide as she stood up and strutted toward the board. "Looks like I won." She let her hips swivel and peered over her shoulder at Jack with a smirk and a glint in her green eyes. "Too bad, I thought you could hold your own against a lil ol woman."

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Daniel peered over the edge of his cards, staring Teal'c's stoic face down. He couldn't tell if the Jaffa was bluffing or not. No one could ever tell. He watched the movements on his face remain still, all but the faint movements of the man's incredible jaw. He must have had enough power in those muscles to crack open a coconut with his teeth, enough resilience to bite into a pineapple and not flinch. Daniel felt himself squirm under the pressure of the man's gaze. He took a breath and glanced at his cards again. Could he be bluffin…could he? What would the game be without a little chance? "Bull…Shit…" Daniel growled, calling the man's bluff.

Teal'c smiled triumphantly as her turned over the cards, two queens, just as he said. Daniel whimpered, picking up all the cards in the middle with a disgruntled mumbling.

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"Hey Daniel?" Sam called promting the archeologist to turn around.

She put both hands on his shoulders and smiled evilly. Then kneed him directly between the legs. "There…are you sure direct is more painful, or should we do another grazing hit?"

Daniel's voice was several octaves high as he plopped onto his butt on the floor. "No…I…agree with you" He chocked out.

"What's that?" She asked with a sweet smile.

"Women are defiantly worse off…" he took a deep breathe holding himself between the legs, his face bright red. Sam knew that revenge was best served cold. Ice cold.

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"I'm sorry Jack. There isn't anything wrong, we have no idea how to treat what we can't find. They haven't even passed out in the last 42 hours. There is no way to tell if whatever it was has pass-"

"O'NEILL!" Teal'c booming voice interrupted his conversation with the doctor. Turning abruptly he saw something a little sickening.

Daniel griped his chest, two racking coughs erupting from him like gunshots, droplets of blood splattering on the floor as he fell to his knees. Teal'c caught his shoulders and the man began to shiver, dark red staining his lips. Sam looked at him from the other bed, terrified.

Jack ran back into the room grabbing the man's feet as Teal'c hauled him into the bed. Pulling a blanket over the shivering man, he held his head, tight. "Teal'c, gimmie the headache stuff again."

"Doctor Frasier expressed deep concern in not administering too much of--"Jack grabbed the vile without letting Teal'c finish his sentences.

He gave the man the injection and waited for him to calm down. "I'm the doctor in here."

Sam was up, next to them, her eyes deep with concern, she felt Daniel's pulse gently glancing up at Jack.

The colonel stopped for a moment. This was the first time he had gotten really close to Sam in the last few days, her eyes, weren't they supposed to be blue. "Teal'c, aren't Carter's eyes usually blue?"

Sam blinked sharply stepping back a little. "Oh course their blue."

Teal'c looked down at her. "They are indeed a different color than they have been previously."

"What?" Snapped the woman as she walked over and grabbed tray of instruments, dumping the contents off and looking at her face. She stared into her own bright green eyes. No. She wasn't alright. "They…are green…"

She closed her eyes tight and twisted the metal in her hands, a sudden burst of frustration and anger. "Something…infected me…and Daniel…but not you Jack. And if it can go through a Haz-mat suit. Why not through the plastic of the walls? What makes it different?" She felt her chest start to tighten. She smashed the tray against the metal table. It made her feel better. "WHY WHY!"

Teal'c looked at Jack, waiting for the signal to contain her. But the colonel waved him to stay still. "Explain it to me Cater. I don't see where you're going with this."

"WHY? WHY US! Why not you sir? Why not you? You're expendable! What about us is different? Why did I get sick after coming inside, after…stepping inside…after going...toward…" Her breathe quickened. She fell to her knees and bent on the ground, she wanted to cough. She wanted to cry. It was in her lungs, in her eyes. But she didn't have time to tell them before she felt the world spun and she coughed, her lips tightly pushed together. She looked up at the Colonel, his eyes firm as he looked at her. She was white, with a thin line of blood slipping out of the corner of her mouth before she hit the ground.

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Daniel sat straight up with a start, tugging his arm back from Jack's hand. "OW. . . What the hell?" He looked down at the red marks on his arm and back up to Jack's smiling face.

"Pain seems to be the best way to wake you guys up." Jack said with a smirk, pinching the tweezers in his hand with a smile of victory. "Besides, it's the most fun for me."

"Good news. . . The blood you puked up had something in it. Nasty little buggers, Doc's trying out ways a killin it, we'll be outta here in no time." Jack said hoping on the bed at Daniel's feet.

"That is good news." Daniel grumbled groggily.

"Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet. I'm making sure it's a shot in the ass kinda pill. Doc says you got a nice butt you know." Jack said wielding his breakfast apple with a wink and a large bite.

Daniel's eyes went wide. "What?"

"She does estimate you guys will remain infected without symptoms for up to a year. You'll have to stay locked up." Jack said with a serious nod.

"WHAT?" Came Sam's groggy but shocked voice. "Sir. You can't be serious…" The Major looked almost worse than when she fell unconscious. "A _year _Sir?"

Jack nodded deeply as he turned and walked out the door.

Sam and Daniel looked at each other in shock. Bright blue in bright blue, filled with disbelief. Blue? There eyes where blue again.

"Your blood work is back to normal and it looks like all signs of the bacteria are gone. You'll be up and outta here as soon as you feel capable." Smiled the sweet Doctor as she tucked her pen into her clipboard.

Daniel's brow knit together in confusion, "So he was joking?"

"Yes." Janet said with a nod.

Sam blushes a little looking down and around. "We weren't ourselves were we?"

"I don't know, you'd have to ask Doctor Jack." Said the woman with a wide knowing smile.


End file.
